Perfect Devil's Blog

Warm heart… Cold soul…

Bancuri


1. – Mai Vasalie, da-mi împrumut un chil de palinca pâna ce-oi face-o pe-a me.
– Ia, mai Ioane, ca doar suntem pretini.
Ion, dupa doua zile:
– Mai Vasalie, mai da-mi un chil de palinca, ma, ca n-am reusit s-o fac pe-a me.
– Ia, ma Ioane, c-o s-o faci azi, mâne si tu.
Ion dupa o saptamâna venea spre poarta lui Vasalie care era la masa cu Maria lui.
Vasalie îi zice lu’ nevastasa:
– Tu, Marie, daca vine la noi, zi-i ca nu-s acasa (si se baga sub pat).
Vine Ion si zice:
– Ziua buna, Marie!
– Ziua buna, Ioane.
– Apai, Vasalie une-i?
– Nu-i acasa, zice ea.
– No, eu am vinit cu ale doua chile de palinca si cu înca o jumate sa ne cinstim ca-ntre pretini din palinca noua.
Daca Vasalie nu-i aci, ne-om cinsti doar noi.
Se cinstesc, se-ncalzesc, se suie-n pat si s-apuca Ion de futut la Maria.
Vasalie de sub pat aude, simte oarece si cugeta adânc:
“‘Tu-i mama ei de treaba, ce sa fac? Pusca am, cartuse am, cureaua mi-i lata, da’ ce sa fac daca nu-s acasa …”

2. Doua soricioaice vorbeau:
– Auzi, draga, am un nou prieten. Uite, am si o poza cu el …
– Dar asta este un liliac!!!
– Da?! .. si el mi-a zis ca-i pilot!…

3. Ana către Manole:
– Ce faci?
– Un zid. Te bagi?

4. Moare Ion. La inmormantare preotul o intreaba pe Maria:
– Vrei sa-l pupi inainte sa-l bagam inauntru?
Ea explodeaza in hohote de plins:
– Asta era vorba lui Ion, in fiecare seara…

5. Un matematician, un economist si un contabil sunt intreabati:
– Cat fac unu si cu unu?
Matematicianul ii raspunde:
– Exact doi.
Economistul raspunde
– Poate doi.
Contabilul se uita in stanga si in dreapta si spune in soapta:
– Cat vrei sa faca?

6. Doctorul isi intreaba pacienta:
– Ce varsta aveti, doamna?
– Ma îndrept spre 30.
– Din ce directie?

7. – Ieri in padure am strans 3 caldari cu ciuperci pentru mama soacra…
− Si daca sunt otravitoare?
− Cum adica “daca”?

8. – Cetatene Rabinovici, de unde luati atitia bani?
– Din noptiera.
– Dar cine-i pune acolo?
– Sotia.
– Dar ea de unde-i ia?
– Ii dau eu.
– Dar dumneavoastra de unde-i luaţi?
– Domnule anchetator, v-am spus doar: din noptiera.

9. Pesimistul vede intr-un tunel intunericul, optimistul vede lumina de la capatul lui, realistul vede luminile trenului care vine…
… Mecanicul de locomotiva vede trei idioti pe sine.

Fericirea e ca si cum ai face pipi pe tine. 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25/03/2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , ,

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